Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:23-24 (NIV)
Since Covid 19 started, I have been working long hours. Because of my crazy schedule, I am sharing custody of my dog “Gigi” with my parents. They keep her during the week and bring her to my house on Fridays so she can spend time with me on the weekends. This past Friday, I left my house in a hurry. I left my bed undone, and my closet looked like the residues of a tropical storm. Trying to keep my parents from seeing my mess, I closed my bedroom door and hoped they would stay in my neat living room and clean kitchen.
That night when I got home and opened my bedroom door, the Lord brought the words of David to mind, “Search me, God, and know my heart.” In a minute, the Holy Spirit convicted me. I felt as if He was telling me, “Many people do to me what you did to your parents. Many give me access to the clean and orderly areas of their lives and try very poorly to hide their messes from me”.
Have you ever tried to keep God away from those places in your heart where you hide your fears, shortcomings, or resentments? You know, those locked spaces of your heart where you keep painful memories of abuse, harsh words, unfulfilled dreams, or even sin. Many Christians try to do that by staying busy, attending church, leading small groups, and praying for God to change the world. They look good from the outside, but their hearts hide turmoil.
Many live in messes that bless strangers but hurt their loved ones. It is easy to play the part of a good Christian in front of people who do not know us, but sometimes the pain we hide causes pain to the people who live with us. Child of God, the Bible tells us that everything covered will be revealed. We might think we hide our pain and shortcomings, but God knows them.
Some people in the Body of Christ want God to use them but do not want to deal with their messy hearts. That Child of God is as useless as my efforts to keep my mess hidden from my parents were. When I got home, I discovered that my mother had gone into my room and had made my bed. I was embarrassed, but my mother's loving act also blessed me.
Church of God, stop wasting your time. Allow God to enter those dark places of your heart. Ask Him to search your heart and test your thoughts. Be vulnerable enough to show Him even the darkest areas of your heart. God can handle our brokenness, pain, shame, and sin. He is an expert at cleaning mess. Yes, you might feel embarrassed showing God your mess, but He wants to help you with it. I promise you, you will never regret giving Him access to your whole heart.